Friday, December 28, 2012
Capturing My Memories...
The month of October was Pregnancy/Infant loss Remembrance and I was capturing daily, the precious memories left to me by my son Evin. About half way through the month I was having a hard time emotionally blogging everyday. It was coming up on Evin's 2 year anniversary, and was all a bit overwhelming. My number one priority is my Rainbow, Brayden, I need to be my best for him physically and emotionally! So after giving myself sometime I would like to continue capturing. I don't know if I will be able to post everyday but I defiantly would like to finish up the 31 pictures at some point.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Happy 2nd Birthday Little Man...
Two years ago today I became a Mother. It might not have been in the most traditional way...but I WAS a Mother! A lot in my life has changed since then, Husband going back to school, a new job for me, moving to a new home, meeting new friends, and of course the birth of my Rainbow! As I look back over the last 2 years I am filled with emotions. Like any new mother I feel proud, great love, and awe at how tiny yet PERFECT he was! Yet for me becoming a Mother also brought with it a broken heart.
It happened all the same for me as any other Mother... The hours of labor, going into the hospital when it was time, my waters breaking, then my little boy coming it the world. Cutting his cord, placenta, my milk coming in... Yet because it was 20 weeks to soon, and he entered this world without a cry, I am seen by most as a Mother of one boy....not a Mother of 2. There is sadness in his memory...the "what ifs", and the wonder of what he would have been like. But most of all there is JoY! The immense love I have of being his mom, and the happy times I remember...those first little kicks, hearing his hear beat, watching him grow. So this is for you Evin Gabriel, You will always have a very special place in my heart, for you made my biggest dreams come true! It may not have been how we planed it to be, or understood by most of our world, but you made me a MOTHER! Happy 2nd birthday little man,
From your very proud Mother.
It happened all the same for me as any other Mother... The hours of labor, going into the hospital when it was time, my waters breaking, then my little boy coming it the world. Cutting his cord, placenta, my milk coming in... Yet because it was 20 weeks to soon, and he entered this world without a cry, I am seen by most as a Mother of one boy....not a Mother of 2. There is sadness in his memory...the "what ifs", and the wonder of what he would have been like. But most of all there is JoY! The immense love I have of being his mom, and the happy times I remember...those first little kicks, hearing his hear beat, watching him grow. So this is for you Evin Gabriel, You will always have a very special place in my heart, for you made my biggest dreams come true! It may not have been how we planed it to be, or understood by most of our world, but you made me a MOTHER! Happy 2nd birthday little man,
From your very proud Mother.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Day 15&16 - WAVE of LIGHT/Balloon Release
Day 15&16 - Wave of Light/Balloon Release #captureyourgrief:
Yesterday was October 15th. May seem like a average day, but to moms like me the day is VERY special. It is National pregnancy/infant Loss Remembrance Day. Of course we always remember our babies goon too soon every day, but having a day set aside where we can come together as a community to remember is extra special. So last night we came together. We brought mementoes
of our babies to share, we lit candles in their memory as we spoke their names, and we released balloons. ~Evin Gabriel, you will always be loved...never forgotten...carried forever in my heart! Your memory and the life you lived, lives on through me. Until we meet again, Rest in hope my little man.~
Yesterday was October 15th. May seem like a average day, but to moms like me the day is VERY special. It is National pregnancy/infant Loss Remembrance Day. Of course we always remember our babies goon too soon every day, but having a day set aside where we can come together as a community to remember is extra special. So last night we came together. We brought mementoes
of our babies to share, we lit candles in their memory as we spoke their names, and we released balloons. ~Evin Gabriel, you will always be loved...never forgotten...carried forever in my heart! Your memory and the life you lived, lives on through me. Until we meet again, Rest in hope my little man.~
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Day 14 - Community
Day 14 - Community #captureyourgrief:
Every October 15th our community comes together to remember our babies born/left to soon. We light candles, bring photos and other things from our babies to share, have a balloon release, but most of all we came together to Remember and to Share! It is a very special time. This is a photo I took last year of the balloon release. It is a hard community to be a part of, but I am blessed to be part of such a wonderful one!
Every October 15th our community comes together to remember our babies born/left to soon. We light candles, bring photos and other things from our babies to share, have a balloon release, but most of all we came together to Remember and to Share! It is a very special time. This is a photo I took last year of the balloon release. It is a hard community to be a part of, but I am blessed to be part of such a wonderful one!
Day 13 - Signs
Day 13 - Signs #captureyourgrief:
Every spring I am reminded of new life and a new beginning, Beauty beginning again from something seemingly gone. In the springtime I am reminded that someday this world will be made a new place, a place of everlasting beauty! There will be new life forever more, and I will be reunited with my baby! I think spring is God's promise to us. SPRING IS COMING!
I also want to add a song to this post :) **Steven Curtis Chapman, "Spring is Coming"**
Every spring I am reminded of new life and a new beginning, Beauty beginning again from something seemingly gone. In the springtime I am reminded that someday this world will be made a new place, a place of everlasting beauty! There will be new life forever more, and I will be reunited with my baby! I think spring is God's promise to us. SPRING IS COMING!
I also want to add a song to this post :) **Steven Curtis Chapman, "Spring is Coming"**
Day 12 - Reminder (Scents)
Day 12 - Reminder (Scents) #captureyourgrief
I do not have a scent that reminds me of Evin, so I'm just doing something that reminds me of him. Soon after we lost him, I found this plaque and thought it was really special. I hung it in the "baby room" (the room we were getting ready for him). To me it was a reminder that he was here. It still hangs in the room that is now the "baby room" for my Rainbow baby Brayden. Every time I see it I am reminded of Evin.
I do not have a scent that reminds me of Evin, so I'm just doing something that reminds me of him. Soon after we lost him, I found this plaque and thought it was really special. I hung it in the "baby room" (the room we were getting ready for him). To me it was a reminder that he was here. It still hangs in the room that is now the "baby room" for my Rainbow baby Brayden. Every time I see it I am reminded of Evin.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Day 11 - Supportive Friends/Family
Day 11 - Supportive Friends/Family #captureyourgrief:
I have been blessed to have so many supportive family and fiends!
FAMILY:
My Husband: He was always there for me whenever I needed him. He took extra time off work so that I would not have to be alone at home, He would hold me when I cried, and always listen to me even when I might have sounded a little crazy :) They say that the hardest times in your life either make or break you... and I have to say that this, as hard as it has been, has made our relationship so much stronger! We have learned that no matter what through the good and the bad how to be there for each other! I love you SO much! Thank you for your constant love and support!
My Sister: She has always been the person I know I can talk to about ANYTHING and she would listen and understand. She was not afraid to to talk about Evin and I love that! I always enjoy hearing his name. Her dorm room was a safe place I could escape to if I needed to get out of the house. And I'm glad she was close by. Thanks for always being there for me! I love and miss you SO much!
My Mother: As soon as she heard that Evin had passed away she had her bags packed and was ready to make the 2 1/2 hour drive down without hesitation! Having my mom here while I had to go through labor for the first time and deliver Evin helped me feel more at ease. She held my hand and brought calm in the midst of tragedy. And after it all I always know she was just a phone call away. Thank you SO much for always being there for me! For helping me through one of the hardest times of my life and being there with me. I could never thank you enough! I know it must have been hard on you too, and yet you stayed strong for me. I love you!
FRIENDS:
To all my wonderful friends! I have so many wonderful and supportive friends I can't list them all (but you all know who you are)! They were always there to listen, bring me food and flowers, and come and sit with me during the day when Devin had to go back to work so that I would not have to be alone. I also have friends I have met through loss and they have been such a wonderful support group! You guys have been my rock and I can't thank you enough!!! Thanks for being there for me when I needed my friends the most! Love you all!
I have been blessed to have so many supportive family and fiends!
FAMILY:
My Husband: He was always there for me whenever I needed him. He took extra time off work so that I would not have to be alone at home, He would hold me when I cried, and always listen to me even when I might have sounded a little crazy :) They say that the hardest times in your life either make or break you... and I have to say that this, as hard as it has been, has made our relationship so much stronger! We have learned that no matter what through the good and the bad how to be there for each other! I love you SO much! Thank you for your constant love and support!
My Sister: She has always been the person I know I can talk to about ANYTHING and she would listen and understand. She was not afraid to to talk about Evin and I love that! I always enjoy hearing his name. Her dorm room was a safe place I could escape to if I needed to get out of the house. And I'm glad she was close by. Thanks for always being there for me! I love and miss you SO much!
My Mother: As soon as she heard that Evin had passed away she had her bags packed and was ready to make the 2 1/2 hour drive down without hesitation! Having my mom here while I had to go through labor for the first time and deliver Evin helped me feel more at ease. She held my hand and brought calm in the midst of tragedy. And after it all I always know she was just a phone call away. Thank you SO much for always being there for me! For helping me through one of the hardest times of my life and being there with me. I could never thank you enough! I know it must have been hard on you too, and yet you stayed strong for me. I love you!
FRIENDS:
To all my wonderful friends! I have so many wonderful and supportive friends I can't list them all (but you all know who you are)! They were always there to listen, bring me food and flowers, and come and sit with me during the day when Devin had to go back to work so that I would not have to be alone. I also have friends I have met through loss and they have been such a wonderful support group! You guys have been my rock and I can't thank you enough!!! Thanks for being there for me when I needed my friends the most! Love you all!
Day 10 - Symbol
Day 10 - Symbol #captureyourgrief:
When I see a duckling it makes me think of Evin. The first ultrasound picture we got of him at 6 1/2 weeks I thought he looked like a little duck and I use to call him my little "ducky" :) The first thing I bought for him was a soft white blanket with a little duck on it (the one in the picture). After we lost him someone knit a little stuffed duck for him and when I got his weighted pillow in the mail ... it had ducks on it!!!
When I see a duckling it makes me think of Evin. The first ultrasound picture we got of him at 6 1/2 weeks I thought he looked like a little duck and I use to call him my little "ducky" :) The first thing I bought for him was a soft white blanket with a little duck on it (the one in the picture). After we lost him someone knit a little stuffed duck for him and when I got his weighted pillow in the mail ... it had ducks on it!!!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Day 9 - Special Place
Day 9 - Special Place #ccaptureyourgrief:
Evin's special spot in the Memorial Garden. I love going to visit, its so beautiful and I feel such peace being there.
Evin's special spot in the Memorial Garden. I love going to visit, its so beautiful and I feel such peace being there.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Day 8 - Jewelry
Day 8 - Jewelry #captureyourgrief:
"Little footprints leave BIG imprints on my heart."
"Little footprints leave BIG imprints on my heart."
Day 6 - What NOT To Say...
Day 6 - What Not To Say #captureyourgrief:
A couple things that were said to me (in good intention) but that could be hurtful to a grieving mother.
A couple things that were said to me (in good intention) but that could be hurtful to a grieving mother.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Day 5 - Memorial...
Day 5 - Memorial #captureyourgrief:
My car window decal and pendant hanging from my car mirror. These are two of my favorite mementoes of Evin. With me wherever I go.
My car window decal and pendant hanging from my car mirror. These are two of my favorite mementoes of Evin. With me wherever I go.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Planting Flowers, Brayden Visits Evin's Garden...
I took Brayden for the first time yesterday to visit Evin's special place. Of course he had no idea what was going on but it was very special for me to bring him there. We planted flowers, played in the leaves, sang a song and tried not to be lunch for the mosquitoes! We had a wonderful time, and I always feel better afterwards knowing his place is still nice. :)
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Day 3 - After loss...
Day 3 - After loss Photo #captureyourgrief : There are so many emotions in this picture! **3/26/12 me holding my Rainbow baby for the first time** I remember just staring at him, trying to see any glimpse of his brother in him. So happy to finally have my Rainbow, yet so sad that my boys would never get to grow up together. That was a very emotional moment for me.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Day 2 - Before Loss...
Day 2 Before Loss Photo #captureyourgrief
This photo was taken the day before we found out our little man was gone. I was 20 weeks here and loved my little bump! Being pregnant was my dream come true! Its hard to look back on this picture and know he was already gone. I don't feel like that same person anymore!
This photo was taken the day before we found out our little man was gone. I was 20 weeks here and loved my little bump! Being pregnant was my dream come true! Its hard to look back on this picture and know he was already gone. I don't feel like that same person anymore!
Monday, October 1, 2012
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Remembering Evin...
Tomorrow is October 1st. Oct is National Pregnancy/Infant loss Remembrance month. In honor of this and Evin, I am going to be taking and posting pictures over the next 31 days of things that are special to me and remind me of my sweet baby boy who left us to soon. I hope you enjoy this little peek into my life that has been forever changed.
Here are the things I am going to be capturing over the next 30 days. (ps. this blog is about to get really long! lol)
Day 1. Sunrise I thought it would be sweet for us all to capture the beginning of this beautiful project and important month by us all getting up early to photograph the sunrise from wherever we are in the world. I know depending on where you are and what climate you are in that there may not be a sunrise, but if you can still get to a window, snap a photo of the morning! When you share your photo online make sure you write what State/Country you are in and the time of the sunrise {just for fun!}
Day 2. Before Loss Self Portrait Share a photo of you before your loss. You could share a drawing/skecth or painting you have done if you would prefer that!
Day 3. After Loss Self Portrait Share a photo of you after your loss. Sam as yesterday if you would prefer to you can share a drawing/skecth or painting you have done!
Day 4. Most Treasured Item Something that relates to your baby/ies/child/ren. Maybe it is their hand and foot prints or a photograph. Whatever it is we would love to see it.
Day 5. Memorial This could be anything you have had done in memory of your baby/ies/child/ren. It could be their plaque at the cemetery or a tree that has been planted in their memory, anything at all.
Day 6. What Not To Say Have you had something terrible said to you in the wake of your loss, write it on a piece of paper – photograph it – vent it.
Day 7. What To Say We all talk about the bad things people say to us but we rarely focus on the good that people say to us. Share a tip for those who don’t have any idea on what to say. Write it own – photograph it.
Day 8. Jewellery Do you have a piece of jewellery in memory of your baby/ies/child/ren? Share it!
Day 9. Special Place This could be a place that you visit that brings you peace. Maybe it is a place that you went to when you were pregnant or where your child’s place of rest is.
Day 10. Symbol Do you have a symbol for your baby/ies/child/ren? It could be a butterfly, dragonfly, a humming-bird, dolphin, seashell, share what it is and why it is so symbolic to you.
Day 11. Supportive Friends/Family Who has been there for you?
Day 12. Scents Do you have a scent that you relate to your baby/ies/child/ren? Is it a candle scent, perfume, food or maybe a flower? Share it with us!
Day 13. Signs If you believe in signs from your child/ren, share with us an experience you have had.
Day 14. Community Our community is so amazing, but with that being said, none of us want to be a member. Share a photo of a community gathering or event that you have attended.
Day 15. WAVE of LIGHT Today is October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Light a candle at 7pm to help create a continuous wave of light around the world for 24 hours. Photograph your light!
Day 16. Release Balloons, lanterns, butterflies, doves.
Day 17. Anniversary/Birthday/Due Dates Share a photo of what you did for your baby/ies/child/rens special day. Did you hide away in bed? Did you have a cake? Did you have a party? What did you do?
Day 18. Your Family Portrait Take a photo of you with your family, work out a way to incorporate your baby/ies/child/ren who are no longer physically with you anymore. You could hold up photos of them or even just hold their names with you. What does your family look like now? Is it just you left here? Do you have a large family? Is it just you and your partner?
Day 19. Project Have you worked on any projects inspired by your loss? They could be anything from an art project to organizing memory boxes for a hospital. If you have not yet done a project you could share something that you would like to work on.
Day 20. Charity/Organization Share your favourite charity or organization that has touched your heart on this road of grief. If you don’t have a photograph to share, just simply post the link to their website!
Day 21. Altar/Shrine/Sacred Space Share a photo of your special place in your home/garden for your baby/ies/child/ren.
Day 22. Place of Care/Birth The place that looked after your you whilst you were pregnant. Share a photo of those who took care of you and your baby. This could be a midwife/doula/friend/partner.
Day 23. Their Name/Their Photo If you feel comfortable, share a photo of your baby/ies/child/ren who you are remembering this month. If you do not have photos, you could use an ultrasound image or something that represents them.
Day 24. Siblings This could be done two ways – your could photograph your own siblings and post about how grief has affect them or you can post about your other living children. I know that not everyone has living children but I felt it was important to include the children who are left here to grieve their brothers and sisters. Capture a sibling, niece or nephew’s grief. Maybe you could share a drawing they have done or even just a photo of them holding something that represents their brother or sister that they are missing. Give them a voice here.
Day 25. Baby Shower/Blessing Share a photo from your baby shower or blessing. Maybe you could show everyone the gifts you received that you were not able to use.
Day 26. Their Age How old was your baby/ies/child/ren when they died. Write it down on a piece of paper. If they died whilst you were pregnant you can write their gestation.
Day 27. Artwork Share some artwork that reminds you of your baby/ies/child/ren or something that was created for them by you or someone else.
Day 28. Memory Share one of your most significant memories on this journey of grief, it can be a positive or negative memory.
Day 29. Music This might be hard to capture in a photograph so break the rules (that we don’t have, hah!) and post a youtube clip of a piece of music that reminds your of your baby/ies/child/ren
Day 30. Your Grief – Tell The World What do you want the world to know about this road you are travelling? Do you just want your baby’s name to be spoken? Do you want others to know they are not alone? Whatever it is, write it down on a piece of paper and hold it up for the world to see! (We will be making a video clip of these images from this particular day!)
Day 31. Sunset To close this project and month I thought that we could all photograph the sunset from wherever we are in the world. If there is no sunset where you are, you can still take a photo of the early evening sky. You just need to be able to get to a window. Remember to caption what State/Country you are from and the time.
Here are the things I am going to be capturing over the next 30 days. (ps. this blog is about to get really long! lol)
Day 1. Sunrise I thought it would be sweet for us all to capture the beginning of this beautiful project and important month by us all getting up early to photograph the sunrise from wherever we are in the world. I know depending on where you are and what climate you are in that there may not be a sunrise, but if you can still get to a window, snap a photo of the morning! When you share your photo online make sure you write what State/Country you are in and the time of the sunrise {just for fun!}
Day 2. Before Loss Self Portrait Share a photo of you before your loss. You could share a drawing/skecth or painting you have done if you would prefer that!
Day 3. After Loss Self Portrait Share a photo of you after your loss. Sam as yesterday if you would prefer to you can share a drawing/skecth or painting you have done!
Day 4. Most Treasured Item Something that relates to your baby/ies/child/ren. Maybe it is their hand and foot prints or a photograph. Whatever it is we would love to see it.
Day 5. Memorial This could be anything you have had done in memory of your baby/ies/child/ren. It could be their plaque at the cemetery or a tree that has been planted in their memory, anything at all.
Day 6. What Not To Say Have you had something terrible said to you in the wake of your loss, write it on a piece of paper – photograph it – vent it.
Day 7. What To Say We all talk about the bad things people say to us but we rarely focus on the good that people say to us. Share a tip for those who don’t have any idea on what to say. Write it own – photograph it.
Day 8. Jewellery Do you have a piece of jewellery in memory of your baby/ies/child/ren? Share it!
Day 9. Special Place This could be a place that you visit that brings you peace. Maybe it is a place that you went to when you were pregnant or where your child’s place of rest is.
Day 10. Symbol Do you have a symbol for your baby/ies/child/ren? It could be a butterfly, dragonfly, a humming-bird, dolphin, seashell, share what it is and why it is so symbolic to you.
Day 11. Supportive Friends/Family Who has been there for you?
Day 12. Scents Do you have a scent that you relate to your baby/ies/child/ren? Is it a candle scent, perfume, food or maybe a flower? Share it with us!
Day 13. Signs If you believe in signs from your child/ren, share with us an experience you have had.
Day 14. Community Our community is so amazing, but with that being said, none of us want to be a member. Share a photo of a community gathering or event that you have attended.
Day 15. WAVE of LIGHT Today is October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Light a candle at 7pm to help create a continuous wave of light around the world for 24 hours. Photograph your light!
Day 16. Release Balloons, lanterns, butterflies, doves.
Day 17. Anniversary/Birthday/Due Dates Share a photo of what you did for your baby/ies/child/rens special day. Did you hide away in bed? Did you have a cake? Did you have a party? What did you do?
Day 18. Your Family Portrait Take a photo of you with your family, work out a way to incorporate your baby/ies/child/ren who are no longer physically with you anymore. You could hold up photos of them or even just hold their names with you. What does your family look like now? Is it just you left here? Do you have a large family? Is it just you and your partner?
Day 19. Project Have you worked on any projects inspired by your loss? They could be anything from an art project to organizing memory boxes for a hospital. If you have not yet done a project you could share something that you would like to work on.
Day 20. Charity/Organization Share your favourite charity or organization that has touched your heart on this road of grief. If you don’t have a photograph to share, just simply post the link to their website!
Day 21. Altar/Shrine/Sacred Space Share a photo of your special place in your home/garden for your baby/ies/child/ren.
Day 22. Place of Care/Birth The place that looked after your you whilst you were pregnant. Share a photo of those who took care of you and your baby. This could be a midwife/doula/friend/partner.
Day 23. Their Name/Their Photo If you feel comfortable, share a photo of your baby/ies/child/ren who you are remembering this month. If you do not have photos, you could use an ultrasound image or something that represents them.
Day 24. Siblings This could be done two ways – your could photograph your own siblings and post about how grief has affect them or you can post about your other living children. I know that not everyone has living children but I felt it was important to include the children who are left here to grieve their brothers and sisters. Capture a sibling, niece or nephew’s grief. Maybe you could share a drawing they have done or even just a photo of them holding something that represents their brother or sister that they are missing. Give them a voice here.
Day 25. Baby Shower/Blessing Share a photo from your baby shower or blessing. Maybe you could show everyone the gifts you received that you were not able to use.
Day 26. Their Age How old was your baby/ies/child/ren when they died. Write it down on a piece of paper. If they died whilst you were pregnant you can write their gestation.
Day 27. Artwork Share some artwork that reminds you of your baby/ies/child/ren or something that was created for them by you or someone else.
Day 28. Memory Share one of your most significant memories on this journey of grief, it can be a positive or negative memory.
Day 29. Music This might be hard to capture in a photograph so break the rules (that we don’t have, hah!) and post a youtube clip of a piece of music that reminds your of your baby/ies/child/ren
Day 30. Your Grief – Tell The World What do you want the world to know about this road you are travelling? Do you just want your baby’s name to be spoken? Do you want others to know they are not alone? Whatever it is, write it down on a piece of paper and hold it up for the world to see! (We will be making a video clip of these images from this particular day!)
Day 31. Sunset To close this project and month I thought that we could all photograph the sunset from wherever we are in the world. If there is no sunset where you are, you can still take a photo of the early evening sky. You just need to be able to get to a window. Remember to caption what State/Country you are from and the time.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Robbed...
I feel like a part of me has been robbed of the true joy of motherhood. I spent my whole pregnancy worrying and not letting myself become to attached, for fear I would lose Brayden too. I thought that once he was born I would be able to take a deep breath and finally relax and enjoy finally having a baby in my arms. But that has not been the case. Every time I lay him down to sleep I fear he will not wake up. Sometimes at night I find it hard to sleep and lay staring at the video monitor watching him sleep. I know as a mom you worry about your child, yet I feel that my fears are multiplied by my past. I want to just enjoy being a mother. To not feel stressed when I lay Brayden down to sleep. To not have nightmares anymore, and to not feel panic in the middle of the night when I go in to check on him.
Being a mother to a Rainbow baby is not always easy. Having them was your biggest dream come true and at the same time they make your reality so much more real! Having Brayden makes me think of Evin more...Love Evin more, and wonder even more what he would have been like. Brayden has shown me what it is truly like to be a mom. Before I could only imagine ...now I KNOW! I wish so much that Evin and Brayden would have been able to play and grow up together. I know someday they will get to meet...and that will be the best day of my life. To have my family all together again, with no more reason to worry.
Being a mother to a Rainbow baby is not always easy. Having them was your biggest dream come true and at the same time they make your reality so much more real! Having Brayden makes me think of Evin more...Love Evin more, and wonder even more what he would have been like. Brayden has shown me what it is truly like to be a mom. Before I could only imagine ...now I KNOW! I wish so much that Evin and Brayden would have been able to play and grow up together. I know someday they will get to meet...and that will be the best day of my life. To have my family all together again, with no more reason to worry.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
An Eternal Memory...
A fellow mother of a sleeping angel and a good friend of mine, shared this with me. I love it!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
My Reality...
by Milena about her son Enzo.
"It is so easy to say: you are young!!!, soon you will 'get over it'!!!, you can always have more children!!! And it is even easier for most people to completely ignore the subject fearing a contagious effect. If you cry, you aren't letting your child rest in peace. If you don't cry then you don't care about your child. If you get pregnant too soon then you are trying to replace him. If you don't get pregnant then you will be forever attached to a memory; but the truth is...
It doesn't matter if I'm young, he is mine.
It doesn't matter if I continue my life, he will always be present.
It doesn't matter if I can have more children, he is irreplaceable.
It doesn't matter if you ignore me, thank you for letting me know the type of person you truly are.
It doesn't matter if you don't want to talk about him, I alone can remember him and talk about him everyday.
It doesn't matter your fear of my pain, that means that I am still alive and that I still feel emotions of this crazy life.
It doesn't matter how much people judge me or my way of living with this pain, each person lives a loss differently.
I am not a stranger to pain, loss, memories, grief... and because of that...
I HURT... I REMEMBER... I LOVE... and I EXIST. And because of those reasons, every day that I live I will demonstrate how alive I am, and how sensitive I am to pain because he WAS MY CHILD, IS MY CHILD, and WILL ALWAYS BE MY CHILD."
"It is so easy to say: you are young!!!, soon you will 'get over it'!!!, you can always have more children!!! And it is even easier for most people to completely ignore the subject fearing a contagious effect. If you cry, you aren't letting your child rest in peace. If you don't cry then you don't care about your child. If you get pregnant too soon then you are trying to replace him. If you don't get pregnant then you will be forever attached to a memory; but the truth is...
It doesn't matter if I'm young, he is mine.
It doesn't matter if I continue my life, he will always be present.
It doesn't matter if I can have more children, he is irreplaceable.
It doesn't matter if you ignore me, thank you for letting me know the type of person you truly are.
It doesn't matter if you don't want to talk about him, I alone can remember him and talk about him everyday.
It doesn't matter your fear of my pain, that means that I am still alive and that I still feel emotions of this crazy life.
It doesn't matter how much people judge me or my way of living with this pain, each person lives a loss differently.
I am not a stranger to pain, loss, memories, grief... and because of that...
I HURT... I REMEMBER... I LOVE... and I EXIST. And because of those reasons, every day that I live I will demonstrate how alive I am, and how sensitive I am to pain because he WAS MY CHILD, IS MY CHILD, and WILL ALWAYS BE MY CHILD."
Introducing: Brayden James...
My Rainbow baby Brayden James is finally here!! He is a handsome little man and is perfectly healthy! He is truly my miracle and I thank God everyday for him! I am starting a blog for him and will try to post monthly pics and updates. (and other things too).
Here is the link to his page: http://forthischildipray.blogspot.com/
Here is the link to his page: http://forthischildipray.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
How you go on...
(borrowed from My Tangible Peace-this is beautiful)
“You can shed tears that hes is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all hes left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that hes is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”
“You can shed tears that hes is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all hes left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that hes is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”
Sunday, March 4, 2012
My "Forever Love"...
There is a boy named Evin...
He taught me about Love. That love is everlasting, a bond not even death can steal. A love so deep, so strong, that even in the passing time my heart carries it on.
There is a boy named Brayden...
He taught me to Believe. In second chances and a love that multiplies. For when you think you couldn't possible love more, it doubles and triples and continues to grow!
As for my other two babies...
The ones I never, even in my womb, got to see, or hear, or feel. They taught me a type of love I did not know existed. One of hope and longing.
All my babies have taught me of Love. How different it can be. Yet one thing stays the same... It's Real, and will last an eternity!
He taught me about Love. That love is everlasting, a bond not even death can steal. A love so deep, so strong, that even in the passing time my heart carries it on.
There is a boy named Brayden...
He taught me to Believe. In second chances and a love that multiplies. For when you think you couldn't possible love more, it doubles and triples and continues to grow!
As for my other two babies...
The ones I never, even in my womb, got to see, or hear, or feel. They taught me a type of love I did not know existed. One of hope and longing.
All my babies have taught me of Love. How different it can be. Yet one thing stays the same... It's Real, and will last an eternity!
Friday, January 20, 2012
My Miracle...
I was sitting the other day enjoying the flips and kicks coming from my belly and deep in thought on how my life was going to be in just a few short weeks.... WAIT, just WEEKS??!! Wow the time had gone be so fast! How could I be 30 weeks pregnant already? I feel like I have missed much of this pregnancy, distracting myself with work and other things, as to not dwell to much on my pregnancy.
I have thought about before, writing about this little one that grows and kicks within me. But could not bring myself to write. Scared that if I get to "into" or excited about this baby, he might somehow be taken away. I feel like everyday I hold my breath till I feel him move again, reassuring me that he is still ok.
I have this plaque on my bedroom wall that reads: "Everyday holds the possibility of a Miracle!" Every time I see that plaque I can't help but be so thankful for my seemingly healthy and growing baby... HE IS MY MIRACLE! And I thank God every day for the time He has given my with Brayden so far.
So now I would like to write... to record however I can this wonderful little life I have been blessed with.
Mommy can't wait to meet you brayden James!
I have thought about before, writing about this little one that grows and kicks within me. But could not bring myself to write. Scared that if I get to "into" or excited about this baby, he might somehow be taken away. I feel like everyday I hold my breath till I feel him move again, reassuring me that he is still ok.
I have this plaque on my bedroom wall that reads: "Everyday holds the possibility of a Miracle!" Every time I see that plaque I can't help but be so thankful for my seemingly healthy and growing baby... HE IS MY MIRACLE! And I thank God every day for the time He has given my with Brayden so far.
So now I would like to write... to record however I can this wonderful little life I have been blessed with.
Mommy can't wait to meet you brayden James!
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